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Fan WritingStories, page 5I remember the first time I got to know Jonathan, by watching Seaquest DSV. He was so intelligent, his acting was marvelous, after that I tried to watch almost every other movie he had been in. I love him very much. I know he never knew me, but he has a special place in my heart and as November is here, I know that on the 12th I will be sad in missing him so much. Love, Joanne Kelsey Hello. I wrote last year about this time after hearing of Jonathan's passing. I wanted to write again and inform you of the release of my new CD, "Forever Red". I think that there are aspects to the stories behind the songs that those of us who are affected by the loss of this friend, inspiration, and role model may find comforting. Although I my main instrument is the violin (acoustic and electric), one of the songs, entitled "Reasons for Living", is the first ballad I ever wrote to be performed with lyrics and vocals instead of the violin as the lead. I felt that I needed to express with music and song that no matter what hard times and heartaches we might experience, the only way we can ever survive is by finding strength in ourselves and our faith, and surrounding ourselves with people that are going to love us unconditionally and not just be there through the good times - but through the bad as well. "So my reasons for living Inspire me to rise above my fears I'm not forgetting I'm forgiving I won't be forced to wash away my tears." Those tears are meant to be - they cleanse us of the pain. They also play a big part in another instrumental piece on the CD, "Testimonial Ocean". With a Victorian classical-inspired introduction and an electronic mood that swirls around you like an ocean, this song uses ashes as a metaphor for emotional baggage of any kind, whether it be the loss of a loved one or those days when we just couldn't get out of bed - we must scatter these ashes out to the ocean of tears as a testimony to what we've been through and move on instead of carrying them with us. It's no coincidence that I decided to include my own version of "The Never Ending Story" on this CD. It's a beautiful song, originally composed by Giorgio Moroder and lyricized by Keith Forsey. It's been covered before, but not like this (with vocals and violin) - and due to its nostalgic innocence and popularity, I don't think it's been covered enough. When I read Wily Fem's fan rememberance of Bastian's conversation with his dying mother from "The Never Ending Story II: The Next Chapter", I just had to tell you all about this. We truly are a part of a never ending story, even if we die, and this track was dedicated to Jonathan. Love and peace through music, Omar Lopez I'm ashamed to say that I found out a little too late about Jonathan Brandis's sudden (or rather late) death. On November 12, 2003 Jonahtan has committed suicide, and on February 15, 2004 I was watching Childstar Babylon on VH! and found out about his death. Like everyone else I went on the internet for more answers and was shocked to find how the media took little notice on the pop cultured icon. I guess my crush spawned from the movies that Jonathan was in. To everyone it was Seaquest DSV but for me it was Sidekicks. Since I was only 6 yrs.old I still viewed boys ith disgust but for jonathan I viewedd him like an older brother figure. Since I was the oldest out of my siblings I would usually fantasize about having an older brother or sister and Jonathan was my favorite pretend older brother. I think it wasn't really a crush, it was more the feeling of respect and admiration. I have to admit that I'd occasionally buy Bop and Teen Beat to read about Jonathan but those magazines would soon bore me even at the tender age of 7 I thought those magazines werre rather shallow and kind of viewed it like they sold the meat than the boy. Now that I think about it Jonthan really embraced the whole Teen Bop Idolism, but I embraced him of the thought that he was happy and always smiling. Never could've thought that he was intuitively depressed. After the late news of Jon's passing, for some months I've been roaming the internet to find the perfect webiste that befitted his passing. your webiste is just breathlessly beautiful and I give you much devotion for making sucha heart rendering website. your site is no on my Favorites list on my aol an occassionally (like right now) I'd pop into see who has written into your stories or what was updated with in the past month. I am so grateful that you this site and I hope it will keep standing for the years to come. My deepest empathies (not sympathies) goes to Gregory and Mary Brandis. I'm just so sorry that I found out a little too late. I have fought depression for 11 yrs. and without the love and devotion from my mom and dad I don't think i will be still alive. My parents were also fans of Jonathan. When i was little, whenever we were watching a movie or t.v with Jonathan in it they would tease me saying that my "Older Brother" was on t.v. thanx again for making a beautiful webiste and letting all jon's grieving fan's to contribute to your site. I will always miss my "older brother" and a part of my childhood has hisappeared when those beatiful eyes of his has closed forever. Love you always Jonathan. Contributed by TeddyGrl123, New Jersey I've had some bizarre, weird, difficult to explain experiences in my life. But I realized that nothing compares to the experience I had with Jonathan Brandis... I am from the Philippines, a place he probably never knew existed. I first saw him in Sidekicks more than 10 years ago. My father brought the tape at home and watched the movie. Though I saw his face I was so engrossed with doing my homework that I did not pay so much attention to the movie. But in my mind I recalled thinking-"This is one cute and good actor". Months have passed and I have forgotten all about him and the movie. Until one night while watching tv his face showed up on the screen, a close up shot of his sweet face taken from one of the scenes in sidekicks with annotation about the story as background. The movie will be shown in one of our local network's tv special. For some reason I was captivated by his presence on screen that a sudden feeling of excitement from nowhere in that one late night where I almost wanted to go to sleep struck me. It was as if I obliged myself to see the whole movie this time. The day of the showing came. I urged my brothers to go to bed early so I can own the tv and be all alone in the living room to savor every moment of it! My heart was beating so fast watching every scene. Seeing him was everything that mattered at that moment. For some weird reasons I did not know why he created such an effect on me. Was it just a big crush I had on him like the many other girls who fell head over heels with him? The next day was just the beginning of the years of JB experience... I tried to get every possible info I can about him. I tried to follow his career, watch seaquest, bought mags and collect pictures of him and of course wrote to him a 3 or 5 paged letter. I wrote it on the best paper I could find and wrote with my best penmanship, sealed it with a kiss hoping that his blue eyes could read it or even just stare at it so that he would know that somebody half way around the world is happy of his existence. I only have 3 magazines with him as the featured story. But those contained info that made me become more interested in him as a person than just a movie star. I was impressed at how he answered questions and his views about life in general. He was somebody so special, brilliant, idealistic, passionate, talented and promising. It was unusual for a young man his age to think and carry ones self that way. I knew then he was one in a million, that there was more to him than just being a Hollywood star. Well, who am I to know or sense this? I was just any common infatuated girl who did not know him personally. But I myself could not explain how he made me feel that way about him. He was somebody I desired to one day meet, get to know, talk to for hours, spend an afternoon strolling along the shore with, watch the sunshine or gaze the stars with and just spend the day with. I knew he could fill ones senses. Crazy as it may sound but I realized that he was the kind I could fall in love with. Somebody I would be comfortable sharing my life with. I felt this a few years ago as a person who knew what she wanted in life. Of course I never forgot to remind myself of how impossible certain things could happen. In the mid 90's seaquest was not anymore viewed in the Philippines. I was sad. Up until college days I did not hear much about him and his career. School was demanding but I was never too busy to think of him every now and then. I started to worry as he became less and less visible on tv, movies and mags. I'd run to the internet to find any updates on him but I'd usually find sites that are not updated. I tried to find phone number as I thought of calling him but never found a source. Though at some point the excitement of seeing him had lessened, I could not totally get him out of my system especially if I see magazines of him. I knew how he loved being in the business and how he loved expressing himself as an actor and his dream of one day working behind the camera. I had always prayed that his career prospers and that he'd be able to realize all his dreams. My dream for him was to one day be recognized at the Oscars either as an actor, director or script writer because I knew he had the passion for film making. When I found out about his death, to say that I was devastated is an understatement. The pain doubled when I found out how he died. I cried until I did not have anymore energy to bear sadness and pain. I could not eat and function days after that and sadness is so overwhelming that it sometimes gets in the way of everyday life. Until now I still don't know how to deal about his passing or maybe I could not just come to terms with reality. For the first time I believe I felt what grief is all about, that sense of loss... with him it is different, it is something I did not feel when some of my loved ones passed away. Jonathan meant a lot to me. He may not know me but again for some weird reasons I don't know why I feel so drawn to him. I was interested in him not as a celebrity but a person I thought was exceptionally beautiful! Someone who can bring out the best in you. In 2000, I wrote him a letter. I told him I have graduated from college and finished Psychology. I wanted to imply that he can talk to me if he's down or bothered because I had a feeling he was unhappy. But I did not mail the letter thinking he was not interested in reading it. Months before he died, images of him being depressed and getting drunk flashed in my mind. Each time it happens, I say a prayer for him because I was scared that something bad might happen to him. Although I had no idea what exactly he was going through, I continued to pray for his safety... And then the day came when I saw him at SAG awards as one of the dead actors! It's true what they say that some shocking things can leave you feeling numb! I could not believe what I saw on tv! My world fell apart!... Meeting him or even just seeing him from a distance was the only greatest dream I was left with or even just the thought that he was alive was enough to keep me up, inspired and motivated. But all of these will be out of reach now. Lucky and blessed are the people whose paths have crossed with his and experience his warmth, goodness and beauty. I don't know how things will go for me as life without Jon is going to be different. But I'm committed to keep my promise to him--- I'll pray for his soul everyday of my life. Jonathan, I loved you in ways I knew how and will continue to hold you in my heart. I pray that God welcomes you in His arms and I hope he allows a way for you to realize how much you are loved and appreciated. I miss you! (I started writing this story last March but the topic is hard to discuss that I only finished it last week. To all the people who love Jon, I'm with you!) Contributed by Eunice Serrano, Philippines The first time i got to know about Jonathan was through this movie called "IT".At that time i don't really know who this cute actor was.However i found him quite adorable with that baby blue eyes and that cute face.That was the first time i saw someone so handsome and talented.Though i don't really understand the meaning of love, ,as i was still young,but i believe that the moment i saw Jonathan,i already adored him. Then came the story "Neverending story II:The Next Chapter".This time around Jon was acting as Bastian the boy who actually saved Fantasia land from being destroyed by the evil Xayride.When i saw him acting in this story i found that he could actually act out the character well.I even imagine that i was part of the Neverending Story and helping Bastian(Jonathan) to save Fantasia land.I could even remember some parts of the line from that story well.From then on i've been keeping up with Jon.I make sure that i'll never missed any of the SeaQuest episodes when it was premiered on the SCV(Singapore Cable Vision). However as the years passed my feelings towards Jon seems to fade away.Its like i have totally forgotten about him.I never keep up with him anymore and i wasn't engrossed in getting the next BOP magazine.This was because,i was already interested with another lot of Guys.The BackStreet Boys. But it was just recently that i found out about Jonathan's death through the internet.I know it was quite late that i discovered about this tragic news,coz' Jonathan died on the 12 Nov 2003 and i only came to know about it on 8 Aug 2004.If it wasn't for the project that i was working on about creating a website on movies,i guesse i would not have discovered about his death till now.I was actually searching for some of the movies that i could remember watching during my younger days.So i went on to look for the movie "IT" as well as other movies like "Migthty Ducks II" and also not forgetting my all time favourite story that is "Neverending Story II".Then while i was searching for all this old stories,i came across an article stating that the SeaQuest hearthrobe,Jonathan Brandis was found dead at his apartment on 12 Nov 2003.The first time i saw that article,i just couldn't believe what i was actually reading.I told myself a few times that it was just a hoax and it wasn't true.But as i scroll down the page and went on to read more,i finally accept the truth that the the tragic news of Jon's death is actually true.For a moment i just sat there at my chair,staring blankly on the computer screen thinking about Jonathan.The only question that kept repeating in my mind was WHY?WHY?WHY?....Up till now,i still don't understand why he has to take his own life.Was he facing any major problem untill he has to kill himself?Or was he frustrated about his career and think that taking his own lives was the best way to get out of all that mess?Or..didn't anyone heard his cries for mercy and help?All these questions was playing in mind all the time after i discovered about his death. However i think that its already fate and that anything on this earth that lives and have soul will die one day.My heart goes out to both Greg and Mary Brandis.I would like to thank them for bringing such a wonderful son like Jonathan to this earth and giving us all the chance to adore and admire a talented young actor like him.To Jonathan,we know that you may not be here with us now but your memories and your legend will live with us forever.To me you're a real gentleman,Jonathan.I hope that angels will guide you to the doors of heaven and that you will find a better life there.Rest in peace Jonathan.I'll always miss you. Contributed by Siti Zuraida Ismail, Singapore I too, like many of you was a fan. The thing that struck me about Jonathan was that he was real with people. He wasn't trying to be something that he wasn't. He was sincere, and very passionate towards his fans and his work. His death really hit home for me. I think for many different reasons. First of all, we were close in age. My Birthday is April 12th. Another reason being that I have suffered from Depression for many years now. I had my first thoughts of suicide at age 8. Actually tried in 6th grade, junior high, and a few times in high school. I was an alcoholic by age 20. It wasn't until a few years ago that I was financially able to get the help I needed. How I made it all those years, I guess by the grace of God. You know, at first I admit I was a little angry at Jonathan, but at the same time I understand. I've been at that low where I've tried to take my life, and it kills me to think of how much he must have been hurting. In the back of my mind, I wonder if maybe he knew he suffered from depression, but feared that if he went and got the help he needed that it would effect his career. That it would keep him from getting work. I know that, oh what's his name, he plays Sonny on "General Hospital", he suffers from manic depression. He stated that he was actually told not to say anything about his depression because it could keep him from getting work. If Jonathan was all ready depressed about where his career was going it makes sense that he wouldn't want to jeopardize his career by getting treatment for depression. I don't know it just crossed my mind. Depression is a very serious, yet delicate thing. If you know someone that could be depressed, please tell someone or talk to them about getting help. Support them. Having a support system is very crucial to someone suffering from depression. I didn't have that growing up. When I begged my mom to take me to get help her answer to me was, "Drop out of High School, Get a job and pay for it yourself!" I believe I was 16 or 17 at the time. Lastly, to Jonathan, I want you to know that I understand. I wish things could have been different for you, and I wish I could have been there to pull you from the raging sea. I Love you dearly and you will forever remain in my heart and soul. Contributed by Misty Wright I'm not sure what to say. This is truly a tragic thing.. I feel I want to do something but can't.. I wrote because something came to mind. Sometimes a candle burns twice as bright but only half as long. Jonathan's candle burned brightly indeed. I'm so sorry to hear this tragic news. I will never forget him. My heart goes out to his parents. However they can rest assured their son will live on forever and provide millions with his wonderful presence. It was his personality and "goodness" that set him apart. What a horrible loss. Contributed by C Hi, my name is Emily Winters. Im 16 years old. Yet Jonathan Brandis was much older than me when i saw him for the first time when I was five in the Neverending Story 2 i fell in love with him. He was amazing and he really jsut took my breath away. My parents thought i was nuts because i loved him so much . Id spend hours watching his movies and i had a plan to meet him someday . That was my goal. In November of 2003 that all changed. When i found out he commited suicide i was devastated. I spent hours crying because i knew i was never gonna meet him ever. I still cry when ever I watch him in his movies because I know he wont be making any more. I still wonder WHY? Why would someone as loved and cherished by him take his own life. He died way too young. This Saturday is the 2 year aniversary of his death. I think everyone should have a moment of silence for him and remember how great of an actor he was and how much he ment to everyone. Contributed by Emily Winters I know this is late, but it doesn’t mean the feelings are any less sincere. Jon was more than just a teen idol for me. Starting from when I was eleven, he was source of inspiration, the place I turn to for strength and most importantly, the object of bonding for me and best friends. We discuss Jon’s works endlessly, starting from Ladybugs and Sidekick where we first found out about him, then on to every single episode of Seaquest. We wrote stories, long endless ones about us and Lucas Wolenczak. We even started a club about him and had a huge club book that we recorded entries, silly things about ‘why we like Jon’, ‘what would we do if we see Jon’ etc etc. Every activity we did centred on some ‘Jon love’ as we called it. Living in an Asian country and coming from a fairly strict conservative family, I was not allowed to put up any posters of Jon but I still collected them diligently, hiding them from my parents. I wrote to him in secret and once, even received a reply with an autographed postcard. For a thirteen-year-old girl living half way across the world from him, it was the highlight of my life. Jon was the solid pillar of inspiration for me in my writings. I went on to study media and communication and I never stopped writing. Of course, we all outgrow the giddy fan girl stage but it doesn’t mean Jon lost his importance to me. I would constantly go through my own writings about him that I’ve kept from so long ago and still smile when I think about it. My favourite photo of Jon still remains tucked in my purse; carrying it with me everywhere I go. I’m twenty-two now, and a published writer in my country and to think it all started with fanfictions from a love struck fangirl. The day I was told of his death, it was like a knife through my heart and all I could do was stare at my friend who told me as though she had to be kidding. I spent the whole day going through my childhood writings, wiping tears that I could not hold back. How is it that such a talented young man found no solace in his life and decide to end it? These stories, short fics, poems, were all written in tribute to him and yet, now, my muse is gone. How can that be possible? Right now, as I look at the picture of him, which is in my wallet still, I wish he knew how much he gave me. I wish he knew that he was a driving force behind who I made myself to be. He remains now, forever, my muse. Contributed by Nurliana we will never forget you Jonathan, and we will always love you Contributed by Allegra in New Zealand :'( 
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Notice: Please contact the authors of each piece regarding redistribution. |
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In memoriam, Jonathan Gregory Brandis 1976-2003 |
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