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Fan WritingStories, page 8Unfortunately I didn't learn of Jon's death until later, like a year or so ago. Things were so so busy that I just never found out about it. When I was in middle school, Brandis was everywhere. I had his pin-ups all over my walls, his pictures platered onto black paper with hearts drawn from white-out and words like 'Sexy' and 'Gorgeous' surrounding it. I bought every magazine like 'Teen Beat' and 'Tiger Bop' every chance I got -just- for Jonathan Brandis' pictures. His movies I'd watch all the time and remembering how jealous I was of the girl in 'Lady Bugs'. Wishing I was her. I wrote to him, and was so joyous I got an autopgraphed picture of him, one would think I'd die of a heart attack. It hurts badly to know he's gone from this earth. And by his own hand, I can hardly even believe it! When I found out about his death, my heart skipped a beat and a part of me felt like it died. I was still getting over the fact my other favorite actor had died as well. (John Ritter) Even though it has been a few years, I'm in mourning of his death. It just hit me tonight, while watching tribute videos of him on Youtube, that he is dead. I lost the autographed picture of him due to moving to another state about 5 years ago and I miss that simple picture. I miss Jon, I do. I wish he wouldn't have left so soon....I pray he knows how much he is missed. Contributed by Vixen Frazier I was a huge Jonathan Brandis fan when I was 10 years old until I was 13. Like many have said before me, he was my first crush. I had a subscription to Bop and Big Bopper magazine for 3 years and have kept almost every one that had JB on the cover. I sent him fan letters and postered my walls with pictures of him. The excitement of my 12th birthday was watching “Ladybugs”!!!! I have to say that as I grew up and moved on to other teenage drama I put those magazines and pictures away in boxes and left that love behind. I recently read an article discussing teenagers and their first crush. I thought “hey I should Google Jonathan Brandis”. Honestly I had not heard about him or thought about that part of my early teen years in a long time. I was shocked and deeply saddened when I saw this site dedicated to his short life. I literally couldn’t breathe for the first few moments of learning about his death. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t know the tragedy that had struck him and his family 3 years ago. I needed to write this because I realize that there are many people out there who loved him and shared the same sweet childlike memories of him that I do. There is not really anyone in my life now that I spend my time with that knew me15 years ago (yes I am now 25). I called my brother who remembers my shrine to Jonathan as soon as I learned of his death. I need to tell someone my sadness. I suppose writing this message is a way of putting closure to my past. Contributed by Katie Parghi I was 12 when I first saw him on a tiny tv in my p.e. class at school portraying Barry in Sidekicks....I was in pre-teen hormone heaven. For the next four years his blue eyes became the center of my universe. Wednesday nights became almost a religious holiday for me because seaQuest was on. My mother's greatest punishment was grounding me form the t.v. on those nights...I was hoplessly gone on him. As I matured my obssession morphed a bit and no longer was I just staring at a face on the screen and reading the b.s. articles in the teeny bopper magazines, I was really interested in knowing what was going on in this guy's head...he always seemed to have this secret little smile, like he knew something that no one else did. But then he dissapeared. I never gave up on him though, I scoured movie magazines and websites, looking for his next film or interview. But even that changed. In 2000 I became engaged to a high school sweetheart and I turned all my attentions to him, giving up my "childhood fantasies" and focusing on the "real world". Heh...I shoulda kept dreaming. A year before he died I started to have trouble in my life, I found myself longing for the simpler ages of my youth when Jonathan dominated my days and my journal. I dug up the scrapbook I made of his photos and movies, found my old seaQuest tapes and even went out and bought all his movies that my fiance had made me throw away. Watching him and remembering the kind of person I had wanted to be kept me from doing mortal damage to myself. "If he can survive in Hollywood, I can survive this" I thought. Why couldn't I have been right? I made it through my rough times and got my life back together, but then my best friend called me November 14, 2003 and told me to sit down. "Jon's dead." she told me...I didn't know what she was talking about, I didn't know any Jon....except....I cried for two days. How could the thought of this man keep me alive when he couldn't stand being in his own body??? I made it out of the void, why couldn't he??? I don't think I'll ever get over his death because I've come to realize that I never understood his life. I loved his movies, I loved his external form, but I didn't know the real him. And all I ever wanted was the chance. Just one chance. So now I have a new reason to live, proving to his spirit that no matter how bad things get, no matter what happens, you CAN live, you CAN make it and no matter what you may feel now, things WILL CHANGE for the better. So thank you Jonathan Gregory Brandis. You gave me a reason to live again. I'll never forget. Contributed by Kari Kirschke My name is JEN and I was and still am a Jonathan Brandis fan. He was my first hollywood crush and I had his picture posted ALL OVER my walls as a preteen. I was truly sad to hear of his apparent sucicide in 2003. It's sad how his career slowed and he couldn't exactly make that transition. That's hard on anyone. My question is did anyone in this community watch that movie on the independent movie channel called "Remembering Jonathan Brandis". It is a little freaky-and I am an art major so not much is frå to me- was the director a fan or a friend of his? Because only a friend could make those subtle suggestions. I taped it a few months ago thinking it was a lost movie-but it was an indie documentory or something. That's all. Contributed by Jen I know it's been two years since that rainy day in Los Angeles, when jonathan chose to take his love, his joy, and his sorrows away from us all. I rank his tragic death in the same column as River Phoenix. Let this be a lesson to all we idolize and admire, please don't take your light away from this ever darkening world, you mean so much to a lot of people. When you step into that spotlight, you have an obligation to note that you're no longer a solitairy figure, but a beacon to a leageon of fans and "cheerleaders". We bask in your joy and wallow in your tears, so before you pull that trigger or kick over that stool, remember us, because it's not only about you, you're injuring all of us for an eternity. Contributed by Arumma I remember the very first time I saw Jonathan, he was so young but so talented. Such a waste that he gave up on life. He was so beautiful, I know his parents and friends are blaming themselves for not seeing the signs. I want to say this to everyone, you are given this gift, life, sometimes being in the spotlight is too much for some to take, sometimes it strips you from that gift. Not blaming anyone for Jonathan's death, but I think that if he knew how many people was affected by this giant loss, I think he wouldn't went through with it. Suicide is not the answer, life is such an amazing gift, live yours to the fullest. Don't waste one minute for it passes so quickly. You have only one chance. Live it up. Jonathan was one of my favorite people. I had followed his career for a very very long time. I was terribly saddened by his death. Jonathan Gregory Brandis you will so be missed. My heart goes to your family and friends. God is loving people, talk to Him pray to Him rely in Him I promise life will be so much easier if you allow your faith to remain strong in HIM. Contributed by Weepnwillow I didn't know who Jonathan was until I first saw one of his movies on TV, I was only 13 then. Still young and pretty much stupid in a sense. I saw him and the first thing I noticed was his smile. He made me smile just by smiling. It's something about his smile that's magic. That can steal your heart away. And so he did. I was never much of an over enthusiastic fan. I followed his career line subsequently. I think I got over the silly crushed when I turned 15. I forgot everything there is to know about him. That was until I found one of his movie on DVD and decide to just buy it. That movie was 'Sidekicks'. I watched the movie and suddenly I thought of that kid with a nice smile that can make me smile. I was 18 and was superbly busy with school and responsibilities. So, I asked my friend who had sworn to keep a secrecy about my silly little crush as most of us at school call it to check up on Jonathan, just to see what's new up his sleeves, any new projects? Much to my surprise there was not much information on him. I thought he was just another kid actor who doesn't stay in Hollywood. I let all of that go. I don't what made me read one of the local newspaper that day (November 12, 2004), about a week after I got my friend to check up any info on him. I stumble across this one article about the actor with mesmerizing blue eyes and was so special. I read it, and then, I found out that he's dead. The feeling didn't sink in at once. All I did was return to my chores do my homework and so forth, I've experienced loss before. After maybe a couple of hours, I only realized it. He's dead. He's not walking on the face of earth anymore and I actually cried. I can't believe I am never going to see that smile again. It must be stupid, I didn't know him, I never met him. But, his death still effects me in a way that I could never have imagined… Contributed by Ruby Real Malaysia All i can ask myself, is why? Jonathan Brandis, better known as Lucas Wolenczek from seaQuest to me and my little sister... i am probably one of the youngest admirers of Jon... i watched Seaquest with my little sister when i was very young myself... she became obseesed with him a few years latter, but as for me, i wanted to BE him... i didnt and dont have the blond hair blue eyes thing going for me, but since that time i kept the style the same... i have the same type of hair still... it suits me... ;) when i watched Lucas on TV, i kept on planning on how i could be more like him... he was my idol... i wanted to follow his footsteps... be a kid Genius... (nope, many years on and im still no genius...) i am 20 years old, so it was quite some time back... i dont even remember the date... just the fact that Lucas was like my big brother.... his way was just charming... all the girls that watched Seaquest here in UK were obsessd with him... no wonder... he is a good looker... lol... but then i ask... why would someone with everything throw it all away? in 2003 when i found out about his death, i cried... and so did my poor sister who was 13 at the time... i look at it now and i wonder... what was missing in young Jons heart??? what was that void? after having passing 2 years in a state of suicidle depression, i realised for myself... i wish i could have met Jon... i wish i could have been what he was on script... i wish i could have been a close friend (which he had many)... i keep the memory of Jon, in my heart and mind... even in the chosen name for my son... ;) we all face voids... its finding the right matching filling for that void... Jon found that with the living of any other famous person... but i believe he didnt find what he was really after... i wont go any further as this brings tears to my eyes... Remember Jon... and keep up the amazing work webmaster!!! :) thanks Contributed by Daniel Taylor, United Kingdom, 20 I was first into Jonathan when I first saw The Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter. I can’t exactly remember what my age was, but I believe that I was about 8 or 9. It was then when I realized that I loved him. There were two actors at that age that I loved and admired so much, and he was one of them. I wasn’t entirely obsessed or anything, but I really wanted to meet him one day. When I was 12, I saw the movie Steven King’s It, which Jonathan was in, and once again I was in love with him. I had never forgotten how much I loved him and thought about him…I knew he was much older than me, but it didn’t stop how I felt. He was so beautiful and so talented that I just couldn’t believe it sometimes. I never would forget him and the effect he had on my life as a child. I didn’t find out that he had died until I was watching an awards show on television a few months after it happened (I can’t remember which award show it was). They always do the in Memoriam section of the show and I saw his picture and name up there. I was shocked at first. I was thinking to myself “that can’t be him?!” I went on the internet and I found out that it was true. I was so depressed, even more depressed than I had been, because I had lost a family member as well. Then I found the way that he died: suicide. I couldn’t believe it. He seemed so happy in the movies I had seen him in. I just couldn’t believe it. Then this past December, I was watching the Seaquest DSV marathon that they had on the Sci Fi channel. When Seaquest had first aired, back in 1993, I was about 5, so I didn’t really watch it. I remember hearing about it, but was too young to watch. So when I saw it fir the first time, I was fascinated by the show and immediately fell in love with it so much that I bought the complete first season on DVD, so I can forever watch it. I see him and I look at how happy he was. I read interviews that he had in magazines and I realize that he was happy as a child and teenager, but I think that once he became an adult, something was hurting him. No one knows what it was, but it was there. When he died, a part of me died with him, I will never get back. Jonathan has inspired my life in so many ways, and I know everyone feels this, but I feel a huge connection to him in so many ways. My heart is his. Jonathan, may you always rest in peace. We will all see you when we get to that beautiful place. I love you always and forever. Contributed by Andrea Musso In the early 90's I remember this goofy kid that made me laugh every-time I saw him in something on TV or a movie, etc... I'm a big sci-fi fan so when Sea Quest DSV first aired; I was there for the ride from the first episode to the last. This morning the SCI-FI Channel started a 20 episode marathon of sorts from 7 am to 4 pm for two days in a row. To my knowledge Sci Fi hasn't run SQ-DSV in 6 years or so. They did however run it almost every night for a few years in the late 90's. Now I had a chance to TIVO the episodes that are being aired for two days. It took me back to a about a year ago when I first found out that Jonathan was gone. Oddly enough, that same day I was thinking about what he might be up to. Then I saw a VH1 special about child stars. When I heard Jonathan's name, my ears perked up and was ready to hear what he was up to. Sadly, my jaw dropped and to my surprise, tears fell down my face when I heard what had happened almost a year before. I really didn't know why I was so upset. There was this feeling inside me asking, "Why didn't I know about this? It's been over a year and I'm just hearing about this tragic loss. WHAT THE F*%&????" When I first heard the news that day, I somehow thought that if I had been paying more attention I could have done something to help. How silly is that? I don't know him, i never did and sadly I never will. I must be 7 years older than Jonathan and here I found myself going to bed that night in shock. It was as if I lost someone that was near and dear to me. But, like I said I never even knew they guy past his work on SQ-DSV and 2 or 3 other movies he did. I was never a fanatic FAN but I liked his work. He always made me laugh and as an actor he made it easy for me to connect with his characters. Even when I woke the next day I felt a feeling like being hung over from grief. I couldn't explain why I was effected so much by this tragic loss. Here I am a year later and after watching several episodes of SQ-DSV today, I find myself feeling that same sense of loss. A sense of grief that doesn't feel like I'm supposed to feel because I'm not family, I wasn't his friend. However, if any of you out there experienced a similar feeling of loss, don't feel confused or ashamed because ya didn't know the guy. There are people out there in this world we live in that have a way of effecting us from afar whether it be through TV, Film or simply through reality. Embrace that feeling, let it run through you and then let it fly to the heaven's because It will come back and effect you again. But, next time, please put the grief aside and smile for people like Jonathan. Smile for his loved ones and remember every positive thing that a presence like his and all the others like him, whether in your life or in the limelight, brought to your life. The laughter, the joy, the tears and now the wonderful memories. Take care everyone. Don't forget to tell the people important to you that you love them. Thank you Jonathan Gregory Brandis for simply being you and entertaining me and my friends. You will be missed and never forgotten. Sincerely, Forrest Leighton Whitehead 
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In memoriam, Jonathan Gregory Brandis 1976-2003 |
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